25 Insights From My Sad Handwritten Book

Just recently I've passed the halfway mark of my time here. Six months since landing down under and I'll be honest, there are days where I forget I ever lived somewhere else, and there are days where that first ride into Carnarvon seems so close I could touch it. In consideration of this special occasion, I've decided to let you all in on a little treat.

Up until now, every diary I've ever had has two entries. One about how excited I am to start a new diary. And another a few years later about how I'm really sorry I didn't stick with it. But, good news! I'm finally seeing something through! What this means for you is that by the time something makes it up here on the blog, its been written in the diary, mulled over in my mind, discussed with a few people, written on the computer, and edited four or five times. On this special day though, I offer you a few glimpses into those fresh, straight off the paper, live from the scene reports...plus a few very poor doodles when I'm feeling artistically inclined:

Day -6:  But this time before leaving is hard. Whenever I look at someone a huge part of me is aware that I only have a few days left to see them. And everyone seems to see the same when they look at me.

Day 1:  Its so f*cking hot here.

Day 3:  Made a good new friend, she said something I think I'll keep in mind the rest of my life: “You should travel three times in your life. By yourself, with your other, and with your children.”

Day 11:  The evolution/creation question came up at dinner...Jess asked “But which is true?”...It's hard for me sometimes to portray the argument unbiasedly. Some people think the world is too perfect to have occurred by chance. I think its perfect because it did.

Day 29:  We have a new saying..."Monday is the new Friday at Carnarvon." Sadly Tuesday at 7 AM isn't quite the same as Saturday afternoon...For as nice as we've been with each other, nothing bonds folks like getting' a bit sloshed together. *Chris loves to talk...Alison tends to be more of a listener. 

Day 68:  Maybe when you've had a life like mine where the most unthinkable things have happened, you have a hard time separating the dreams from the dawn. I wish I could say I was always practical or realistic...I seem to be in some walks of life.

Day 74:  Dad called last night and he sounded a bit lonely. I really miss him...he's one of the few people I can just sit and chat with for ages.

Day 76:   But maybe there is more. More that I could be doing with my skills...I guess sometimes I'm just too romantic about science.

Day 82:  I hate that sinking feeling though...when you know something is going wrong and you're not sure what to grasp onto.

Day 84:   I do find that more often than before I feel a strong need to just spend some time alone with the trees and the grass and the birds...I'm feeling a certain sickness, not homesickness (cause where is home?) but more sea sickness. Not sure where I'm going or where I want to end up...and its sort of bumpy all the time and everyone is always throwing up.

Day 88:  Chris, the girls, and I went out for some fishing this morning...I need to be more vocal about when I enjoy things cause when I love doing something I tend to get into it and forget to say thank you and tell them I'm having a great time.

Day 92:  There is just a basic primal bond between humans and nature and taking time to appreciate the latter strikes such a true chord within me.

Day 104:  Whether its two months or eight, I will have to leave, and that's just changed my perspective on everything. I want to take more walks, climb more trees, give more hugs and all that. On a less dramatic note, it is crazy cold.

Day 106:  For all the feigned sophistication a person might have, Dr. Seuss is probably one of the best sources of wisdom one might have on their shelf.

Day 130:  Last night we went out to check the fires and there was a big one heading up a big hill and we just turned off all the lights in the car and stared at it. It was so beautiful. On one side there were hundreds of little burning stumps which looked like twinkling stars. And the other side was just a spreading ring of fire. It is just one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.

Day 138:  And I see all this here, and part of me is involved, but part of me knows it isn't mine. And I begin to worry – how lucky do you have to be to have all this?

Day 150:  Letters are physical. An object you can hold on to and come back to when we can't hold on to and come back to each other.

Day 158:  Its one of my favourite things. Going along with people who you can just share a silence with or discuss whichever errant thoughts cross your mind.

Day 162:  I'm excited for her [my mum] to just chill out and experience the life I have there at Carnarvon. Cause that's really what I have. Its not about sites and being a tourist. Its about meeting my people. Experiencing our life. ...I miss the Carnarvon stars.

Day 164:  Did my first proper bush wee. Thought I could hold it until we got back, but I was busting, and we're laughing so hard cause Chris had to stop to wee three times, he thought there was something wrong with me. “They're going to have an erosion problem back there.”

Day 170:  Boy do I love her, but Mum sort of gets on my case about everything. It just gets a bit heavy. I suppose that's what mothers are for. If someone has to pull you back to reality, at least they cook you your favorite foods and give you cuddles.

Day 172:  We escaped to light the woofer. This thing uses pressurized air, a mix of petrol and diesel, and a fire ring to blow gigantic smoke rings. There is also a huge explosion and its AWESOME.

Day 173:  Went out to one of the old sites. Its amazing, you find all sorts of things left over from lives long past. Hand made nails, tea cups, cut throat razors, horse rein parts, belt buckles. Its really just another of those things about Carnarvon that makes you feel small and momentary and at the same time connected to something more.

Day 176:  Apologies, dear Reader, if you are my child. Mum was wild once too!

Day 185:  I've already started thinking of what I'll say when I leave. Maybe I should say those things sooner.

*This is completely, 100% backwards. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote that.